Rachel

So Uni wasn’t as exhausting as I was originally expecting but that was because I skipped the 9AM lecture. I know I’m going to have to catch up on it by looking at the recording but then again, I feel like I have a bit of a tickle in my throat. I’ve got my regular TV shows that I have “acquired” which I will watch later but I know I have this to do as well.

I could write about my day but I don;t really want to to be honest. There’s plenty of things I know I could talk about. There’s music, Eurovision, food, EVAC, AJAS, games both electronic and cardboard, my new PC and even more ponies. But I don’t even wish to talk about that today. I could even break my self imposedrule and talk about AVCon. But that’s something I’m not interested in writing about either.

Instead I want to talk about one thing I find hard talking about.

I want to talk about my love life.

Or lack of one right now to be honest. I’m in a state right now that can only be described as a mix of contempt mixed with frustration. I bizarre mix I can tell you. You see, there are times I feel like I’m fresh out of a long term relationship and there are times where I feel like too much time has passed. My last relationship definitely ended weirdly. It didn’t really have a set ending. I could be mapped out over the space of 12 months. But to describe how it ended I have to go back to how it started.

The year was 2009 and I was doing a university placement in a small town by the name of Mt Gambier. A place where it constantly rained, was always cold and the atmosphere felt just as depressing. I was going to be there for 5 week staying in a caravan park whilst I taught at one of the high schools. But I wasn’t the only one there from the uni doing a placement. There was also a girl there teaching I had never met before. Upon talking on that first day in the staff room it turned out she was staying at the same caravan park as me. One of the other teachers decided they would be nice enough to pick us up and drop us home each day. It was a great help considering the weather.

That night we bumped into each other in the pizza shop at the end of the street so we decided to eat together that night. The two of us in a town we didn’t really know both away from our families. Naturally we stuck together and helped each other out. We talked over recess about how our classes were going and how we both had the same feeling of dread that was standing in front of about 30 teenagers trying to get them inspired. The week came to an end and I had to go back to Adelaide for a band competition I was in. I returned to the caravan and the first thing I did was go to her cabin and let her know I was back. We both talked about our weekends and what had happened long into the night. She told me it was her birthday on Wednesday and not to tell anyone at the school. She didn’t want a half assed fuss made over it. But I thought to myself that I felt like I should get her something and celebrate it with her so she’d have something to celebrate. Eventually I had to leave to my cabin to sleep for the next day. As I did so she gave me the greatest hug I have ever received and told me that she missed me while I was gone. Immediately I think we each realised we’d fallen for each other but we still didn’t feel completely comfortable taking it further.

That all changed the very next day.

I had bought her a small present, card and even a cupcake with a candle. But I wanted it to be a surprise. So I had to make sure she didn’t know. To get to my cabin I needed to walk past hers and she liked to keep her curtains open when she was there. I think I tried to run past while sneaking under her window. But she knew I had sneaked passed. SO to her she thought I was avoiding her. Of course I didn’t know this at the time but it came up that night when we were watching TV together (the topic had come up that we both liked Top Gear and it was on Monday nights back when it was on SBS). She had asked me why I was avoiding her and it was obviously worrying her so I decided to tell her how I was getting a surprise for her birthday. She was so touched that I had cared so much. It was definitely an adorable moment. That was the point where we definitely knew for sure that the romance started.

Those next four weeks were something incredibly special. Nobody at the school knew we were together but we couldn’t keep each other apart in our adopted home. There was no parents or families to deal with. Nothing ever got in our way. I still looked back to those cabin days with nothing but happiness.

Coming back to Adelaide was when it all slowly started to go wrong.

I won’t go too in depth but our families definitely got in the way. My mother can only be described as a social clutz. She doesn’t really know when to keep her mouth shut. My sister is an immature attention seeker. My dad earns a comfortable wage but constantly acts like he is poor. I’ve grown used to the craziness of it all but it is definitely daunting for someone on the outside. But on the other side there was a whole different level of crazy. Her mother hated me and I wasn’t too keen on her mother. To put it politely, it was mutually assured annoyance. Her older sister was a snob, her younger sister was manipulative and vindictive and her youngest had fled the state to get away from it all. We persisted with not liking each others families for 4 years but it definitely got in the way and killed it in the end. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with my family but expected me to get along with hers. I went along with it for so long but I knew it was unreasonable. The last year it definitely became an on-again off-again relation ship which we both knew would definitely end being off. We were still friends when we were off. We pretty much had to as we both shared a lease on a house. Eventually it expired and we both moved back to our families we had both grown to despise. We stayed friends but then one day I got a call from her after a month of no contact telling me we probably shouldn’t catch up any more. We haven’t seen each other since. A bitter-sweet end but I knew it was for the best. I think we stuck together for so long because we both remember what it was like in those cabin days. Back when it was two people lost in an unfamiliar town struggling to get by together.

It wasn’t easy wring today’s post but I felt like I had to do it. I still have a strong respect for her and fond memories. There was once a time where we both truly loved each other with nothing in our way. And that’s how I’ll always remember her.

But now I finally feel ready to love again.

So until tomorrow,

Have Fun and Stay Sexy!